third way bear.


Here we see a Koala Bear, according to Blairbear. Looks cuddly doesnt he.
But that is not always what Luigi needs in his bears, and useless in cold climates.

Contrast this with Arctic Bear above, quite some large customer,
but not much good in warm climates. Luigi needed a third way.

And as luck would have it, a totally new type of bear appeared.
Unlike any seen before, the new BlairBear.
He had apparently evolved, Darwinian like, just in the nick
of time to save all mankind.

Unfortunately, after several seemingly successful years, his public
mentioned he looked a lot like Arctic Bear and to cap it all he was
found to have thawing snow under his nails, kept under wraps before.
It was curtains for BlairBear.

Its a fair cop Guv, I had a good run for my money, he said,
grinning that sincere and caring grin we all know and love.


Nevertheless he comes in useful at times now on special missions for Luigi.
Like here, preparing an honest level playing field, then shifting
sideways the goalposts, a classic sign of BlairBears.

And here, by day, controlling the sea, Canute like, enthralling
onlookers with his seemingly awesome tricks.

Whilst by night he simply moves the beach.
And leaves his little memento of what he calls his
modest country residence.
When in the country that is.

Actually he is available now should you want to set up a committee,
or a seminar, intensive investigation, or a council of war,
or investigative panel, a quango, long action group, listening panel,
twist the truths talk, or even a full inquiry.

He can even place your biggest friends in impartial judgement
inquiries of yourself should, god forbid, you ever do anything that bit dodgy.

It takes seconds to activate these and fortunately they last years on end,
and you dont have to comment on anything to do with it
until way past it is over. Even then your outcome can simply be derided and discounted.
He learned these skills from many years
of hosting Teddy Bears Picnics in Antarctica, telling teddy
bear fables, despite only having three grinning bears at
his disposal, two of which had to resign in disgrace
when caught by the Penguins. Not a pleasant experience at all.

This new innumerate bear, the Gordoncantcount, is under testing with
a view to full production in the near future. However there are teething
troubles with his maths, and myths, plus his propensity for taking money
off smaller bears and then simply throwing it away, or just sadly
losing it and having to borrow it off much bigger bears.

In fact, he has borrowed so very much money off bigger
bears that he may well try to get you to have one of these.

Yes, a GordonCard, which he hopes you other bears will all use
quite a lot so he can pay back all the money he owes the bigger, very hard, big bears,
and various failing pensions funds, where he borrowed a few bob a year.

GordonCards are easy to spot from most others, they all have
an expiry date after March 2004. Remember your cave will be
at risk if you use a Gordoncard too much for too long.

The Gordoncantcount also has that little bit of a temper if he doesnt get his own
way, and stamps on other friendly teddies at times, frothing a little puce,
and going redder, if that is possible.

Nevertheless he looks like no teddy we have ever seen before,
doesnt he children.

So all is not lost, a contingency plan is in place, and in any
event Luigi employs old clapped out bears for devious missions
long after their original cover is blown.

They are especially useful if they have dubious associates,
so all is not totally lost for BlairBear.

But is there even a FOURTH way.
Rumour has it that Blairbears female partner,
DamsonBear, would have you think so, and
is trying to invent one just in time for next Spring,
in case Gordoncantcount is not quite ready in time,
or squashes too many little bears before then,
or just simply runs out of money altogether.

Remember, that is all fantasy land, and the bears here
are all our best friends.

Both ArcticBear and little Blairbear are sponsored by Northern Glacier
Union Co.

Have you seen Blairbear. What was he scheming today,
and where did you see him. Was he grinning.
If you saw him, please email with his location,
as there are fears for his health or that he may
run away soon.

If you have a spare simplified abacus, send it to Gordoncantcount
pretty quickly, it may just help him.

February 2004. Malcolm Pugh. Webmaster Stiffsteiffs.