also enjoy the other funny ursine adventures
cult epic poem good versus evil underground fantasy world
Is your hospital full of aliens, despite new cleaning firms,
Antenna waving buggies, And creepy crawly germs,
Then dont waste another second, now were into election spin,
Just complain, over and again, up pops smirking smiley grin.
You just have to critiscise, or mention cancellation lists,
And smirking smiley grin appears, always eager to assist,
He never actually does much, just smiles his talks and grins,
But it takes your mind off nasty bugs, the odd times He pops in.
Your child has only 15 A levels, plus is learning how to write,
Apparently thats some logistical problem, to just get the balance right,
But if reading too is tricky, and Oxbridge hopes looking slim,
Just bang your drum, and hell soon come, savior smirking smiley grin.
Hell beam down with a little girl, who has four of her very own,
Who all have masters arts degrees, though still barely half grown,
After lecturing her elders, arguments seemingly trite and thin,
Theres still those honest eyes, vote winning smile, of smirking smiley grin.
Is your car getting very wobbly, as if weak at the knees,
Is it even trying to leave the road, and collide with walls and trees,
It might not actually be the car, just tarmac getting rather thin,
So just avoid all those potholes, and call in smirking smiley grin.
And as its an election looming, He wont risk a dodgy trip by car,
A helicopter will come in zooming, carrying the Great One from afar,
He says some isolated craters, may even now be in our roads,
Then smirking smiley grin will joke, it will only bother frogs and toads.
If youre looking for an interview, with He Who Never Says The Same,
Smirking smiley grin will meet you, any platform that you might name,
You just nominate that suitable assignation, and hell appear right on time,
You wont as youve used the train, and Tory leaves are on the line,
Amazingly, on arrival hes still there, teeth beaming bonhomie,
And though your biting questions show, that effect is lost on me,
He is master of the camera, and of the trained sound bite,
And signals plus glows and radiates, as if He is the source of light.
And beams over to law and order, onto unrehearsed live TV,
Where sycophants are lined up, ID parades mainlined on glee,
And surprise the skies, TV eyes, smirking smiley grin appears,
Faultless brave and magnificent, almost flawless for His years,
And yes, the isolated riot, and mass muggings still abound,
But according to latest figures, it all happens underground,
Anyway most good honest citizens, to believe His statistic talk,
Nearly all have vehicles now, and seldom ever have to walk.
What happened to my little dustbin, its now got wheels and blue,
Plus several other containers, which say exactly what to do,
They all have little lurking labels, so even the stupid can obey,
And calendars to stick up, so youll know its designate bin day,
Woe betide any truculent owner, putting cardboard with the grist,
Thats automatic statutory fining, and slapping on the wrists,
However, deface paint or hide, your beloved huge wheelie bin,
Thats go to jail, dont pass go, in the land of smirking smiley grin.
Or is it a good war youre after, or an end to global strife,
He can do both of these at once, and make both seem rather nice,
Dont believe all that innuendo, put about by the simply evil BBC,
Just believe in His little fables, just believe we are all still free,
He can now cure epidemics, save whole continents with his grin,
And smile at all his many critics, put under house arrest by him,
Every single Royal camera shoot, rock concert or England game,
Smirking smiley grin will muscle in, and make sure hes in the frame.
Are you cowering and shaking, just a shaking timorous mouse,
Worrying terrorists are taking up positions round your house,
Do all of your neighbours look even more suspicious than before,
Paranoia, or sinister strangers, when you walk quivering dog at four,
Just calm your nerves, for they are just smiley security police,
Promoting a healthy sense of fear, on scary pre election streets,
If you finally feel that terror, is truly pounding down your door,
Smirking smiley grin will appear, and show protection guys to vote for.
Is it really so xenophobic, to think that Britain can be Great,
But there seems to be a new menu putting dishes on our plate,
Those abroad hardly applaud, holding our sausage size in doubt,
But theres no confusion at all over where we get our sprouts,
But just before any worry has a chance of possibly setting in,
Its merely exercise tidy up, says monsieur smirking smiley grin,
So if you encounter Belgians, in your garden or potting shed,
They are all there quite legally, making sure you are well fed.
Perhaps a whole new city, is what we need now to survive,
So smirking smiley grin imports enough people to start five,
And drops them off trucks at random, giving each one a map,
Saying dont blow anything up, and go there and see that chap,
So they are all aimlessly wandering, lost on land and ledgers,
When smirking smiley grin evokes desperate security measures,
For there are countless ruthless aliens targeting our nation,
When all they are really doing is trying to find immigration.
smirking smiley grin will save us all
He is powerful strong and tough,
He will carry us all onwards,
He alone will be enough,
His smile calms the multitudes,
Double smile so sincere you swoon,
And when He grins, then He always wins,
And He always calls the tune.
But the smile is of a con man,
Extra smiles are really smirks,
That we see him yet believe in him,
Are we really such deluded jerks,
So He grins a winning Cheshire grin,
Stretching clear from ear to honest ear,
And for the time He gets away with it,
He will surely always be here.
Oft times he parries with an old chestnut,
Used countless times and ways before,
Just throw Me out with the washing,
If you really dont want Me any more,
That might work well in the commons,
Where whips tell weaklings where to sign,
But I bet soon more than blankets,
Will be hung from Britains lines.
Malcolm Pugh March 5th 2005.
also enjoy the other funny ursine adventures